Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Yeah, sadly I do suffer from the biggest insecurity that most women suffer from....weight problems.
I have always been a larger female, bigger boned and for the most part athletic. However, I did suffer from the issue of being happy in a relationship thus getting fat and happy. I know this, because when a relationship ended I lost about 15 pounds (as I was hardly eating and then to not be alone at home went to the gym as much as possible).
Same thing happened after me and my mister got married, the largest I have ever been in my life was about 8 months after being married. Since the mister and I got married in Vegas, we didnt have an official wedding reception (which in the summer of 2008 both of our families threw some for us...one in Texas and one in California).
Looking back at pictures from the one in California, to me, is slightly scary and I hate admitting the fact that I was HUGE!!! I was 218 lbs (yup, I'm not afraid to admit it on the internet)...I mean those of my close friends knew that anyways.
me and my mom July 2008
Mind you, having my hair up when I was that heavy was a total BAD IDEA!!!! But I can't believe I had really let myself get that big, and Joe loved me just the same.
It was coming to Europe that I really decided to change myself, one because I was tired of being heavy and two I needed to be healthier. Diabetes runs in my dad's side of the family, particularly dominant within the females (and with a phone conversation with my mom at the time I had found out another one of my aunts was diagnosed with it).
So when I started out on my weight loss track was Fall 2009 (we arrived May 2009) and I was around 205-210.
It took me about a full year to get under 200 lbs..which was a huge deal to me. When I traveled to the states in May 2010 for my first trip, I revealed myself at a 187 lb person to my friends and family.
My Mom and Me May 2010
The most obvious place you can notice my weight loss is in my face, besides my overall body. And now another year later, I am still about the same weight I was when I first lost. I fall on and off the work out wagon, and I don't diet because I feel like I'm much more of an angry person when I do that.
However I have reached one goal already, I want to continue to do so...especially before I turn 30!!! I know, random number...but whatever works.
I weigh myself everyday (which I know isn't recommended but it's what has become my routine), and I do freak out a little bit whenever I see the scale say anything higher than 193...which is silly but whatever works.
I don't ever want to be that size again, and I'm always worried about it. Even when I'm not trying to be....lol sad but true.